21 Habits That Destroy Interpersonal Relationship.

I have just finished reading (twice) the classic book written by world renowned executive coach, Marshall Goldsmith titled 'What Get You Here Won't Get You There'. In the book he listed 21 habits that we might not be aware of that can potentially destroy our relationship with our colleagues and family members. As you go through the list below, try to reflect on yourself. As they say, awareness is the beginning of change.

The 21 habits are;

1. Winning too much - the need to win at all costs and at all situations.
2. Adding too much value - adding our 2 cents into every discussions
3. Passing judgement - the need to rate and judge others using our standard
4. Making destructive comments
5. Starting with 'No', 'But' or 'However'
6. Telling the world how smart we are
7. Speaking when angry
8. Negativity
9. Withholding information
10. Failing to give proper recognition
11. Claiming credit that we don't deserve.
12. Making excuses
13. Clinging to the past
14. Playing favorites
15. Refusing to express regret
16. Not listening
17. Punishing the messenger
18. Failing to express gratitude
19. Passing the buck
20. Excessive need to be 'me'.
21. Goal obsession - winning at all costs.

 

Tips For Effective Mentoring (Part 2)

Not all can be good mentors. Reasons for poor mentoring program sometimes lies partly because wrong people are chosen to mentor others.

What are the characteristics of good mentors? Below are some of them that we can use when we choose who to mentor others.

1. Has the right experience.
2. Willing and able to mentor.
3. Committed to help others.
4. Possess good listening skills.
5. Comfortable with people.
6. Able to ask great questions.
7. Willing to work the extra mile to serve others.
8. Believe in the potential of others.
9. Patient and kind.
10. Has basic mentoring skills.

The list above is not complete. When we choose a mentor, we need to remind ourselves that in the eyes of their mentees, mentors are leaders. Are we choosing the right person to lead others?

Tips for Effective Mentoring (Part 1)

Mentoring is a powerful tool to increase productivity and performance in the workplace. What is mentoring? It is a deliberate process to improve job performance through consultation and sharing of experience.

Normally it is done on a 1 to 1 basis between a mentor (the one providing the guidance) and a mentee. However, group or team mentoring are also popular in many organizations.

In order for mentoring to be effective, there are several issues to consider;

• Top management commitment (manpower, time, money, etc)
• Able and willing mentors
• Able and willing mentees
• Clear mentoring purpose and objectives
• Mentoring training for mentors
• Reward systems for mentors and mentees
• Support structure for both mentors and mentees
• Communication systems to encourage mentoring culture

In the next article, we will discuss characteristics of an effective mentors.  

    

Earning Trust From Others

Trust is the glue that binds a team together. In my team building program, I spend quite some time discussing this topic with my participants. In general, trust has to be earned and like all the good things in life, it takes time and conscious effort.

How to build trust? I can think of a few practical steps that we can take to build trust with our team members such as;

1. Be an expert in what we do. Invest in building our competencies to perform our job better. Attending courses, reading books and learning from a coach are some of the things that can build our expertise in our jobs.

2. Keep a secret. When our colleague spill to us their innermost secrets, we can build trust with them by keeping that secret a secret. Do not spill out other people's secret as well as we will be perceived to be dishonest by others. Nothing breaks trust as fast as dishonesty.

3. Be a good listener. Strive to listen to others with the intend to understand, not to reply. When we listen to understand, we will see the deep desires, struggles and ambitions of our fellow colleagues. Over time, this will help us understand them better and build good working relationship.

4. Walk the talk. Between actions and words we say, people will trust actions more. So, strive to walk our talk. Be punctual, submit that report as promised and follow up on that calls.

5. Stand up for something. Create a personal mission statement and stick to it. When our colleagues see that we have values, they will tend to trust us more.

6. Don't over promise. Sometimes, at the spur of the moment, we promise others the star and moon, only to regret it later. Be extra careful when making promises. The mantra 'under promise, over deliver' may save our relationships and keep that trust blooming.        

Avoiding Work-Related Burnout

Work-related burnout is a silent killer in the workplace. It is believed to have caused serious long term health problems such as heart disease, hypertension, ulcer and cancer.

What is a burnout? It is basically the physical and mental conditions that are characterized by tiredness, lack of focus, low desire to work and others. If left untreated, burnout can cause serious health problems mentioned above.

Causes of work related burnout include relationship problem with colleagues, overwork, lack of resources, financial problems, poor health  and many others.

How to avoid workplace burnout? Maybe you can try some of the tips below;

1. Be a better communicator at work. Most of problems at work are caused by misunderstanding. Learn to 'read' people better, a good listener and polish your skills to ask quality decisions.

2. Build good work relationship. We spend most of our day time at work the entire week. Having good work relationship will help us to feel appreciated, cared for and loved. These are strong emotions that can be great motivators and killers of work related burnout.

3. Manage time effectively. Multi-tasking is a common thing today. So, on a weekly or daily basis, plan how you will use your time, taking into account not only work related activities but time for families, God, personal development and hobbies.

4. Exercise regularly. One of the best ways to beat work-related burnout is by being physically fit. Activities such as brisk walk, jogging, swimming or cycling 3 times a week will do wonders to your body and guard you against burnout at work.

5. Nurture your spiritual growth. Humans that live for something bigger than themselves normally can withstand many challenges in life. They are found to be more positive thinking, disciplined and motivated. If you feel the symptoms of burnout, maybe now is the time for you to go to that spiritual retreat than you have planned but postponed many times before.  

Slaying The Procrastination Giant

Procrastination or delaying tasks that are supposed to do now is one of the greatest thieves of time and the enemy of productivity. Millions of hours are lost daily (not to mention personal productivity) due to procrastination.

I once read that everybody procrastinates. The issue is whether we procrastinate 'productively or not'. If we procrastinate or delaying doing things that are not productive such as gossiping, updating our facebook or other similar tasks, then we are practicing productive procrastination. The opposite is also true.

What strategies can we use to slay this giant called procrastination? Maybe the next time you stare at your 'To-do List' and start to think of delaying completing them, try some suggestions below;

1. Just Do It. Most of us procrastinate because we want to get 'that feeling' or sudden rush of motivation to complete our tasks. Unfortunately, most of the time, it will not happen. It's like waiting for a bus that never comes. Rather than waiting to get the right feeling, why not start doing it first regardless of how we feel? Normally, after we complete 1 or 2 tasks, that feeling of wanting to complete more tasks start to kick in. Psychologists called this feeling 'flow'. Once we are in 'flow', we will be on an automatic mode to complete them so much so that we forget about time and maybe that cup of coffee too.

2. Eat That Elephant. How to eat a 1-ton elephant? One bite at a time. A great way to beat procrastination is to divide our tasks into smaller ones and tackle them 'one bite at a time'. Usually, we get motivated or excited after we completed smaller tasks and crossed them from out 'to-do list'.

3. Make Them Visible. Use visual boards, white board or personal calendar to list down all the tasks that we want to complete. Better still if we can write them in bold red letters. This will unconsciously create a sense of urgency to complete the tasks on time.

4. Make Them Easy & Within Reach. Say you have been procrastinating to exercise. One way to beat this, according to experts, is to make it easy for you to decide to exercise. How to do this? Well, for a start, you can put your exercise attire, shoes etc on your living room table. The moment you reach home, it is much easier for you to decide to exercise than if you were to look for your attire in your closet and your shoes in the shoe rack. The same goes for other tasks either at home or in the office.

5. Use Your Reminder. Set your smartphone alarm or other apps to remind you to start doing your tasks. Like most others, I made lots of excuses not to make cold calls to prospects. However, I beat this problem by setting my phone alarm at a certain time on weekdays to remind me to call my prospects. After a while, it has become a habit.

So the next time the giant 'procrastination' stares you on the face and tempts you to postpone completing  your tasks, remember to apply the above strategies to beat him and you are well on your way to a more productive team player in your organization.            

The Power Of 1-Minute Praise

All of us long to be praised for a job well done whether we want to admit it or not. Sincere praise has the power to boost morale, motivate employees and increase productivity.

However, how often do we receive and give sincere praise to others? In my training workshops, most participants lamented that when their bosses call them, most of the time it is because the bosses want to reprimand them. 

Even though giving negative feedback do improve productivity if done correctly, it has to be balanced with sincere praise as well.

Giving sincere praise for a job well done doesn't have to take too long. From my experience, most of the time it will only take 1 minute or so. How to give a powerful 1-minute praise that can make the morale shoot through the roof? 

Three simple steps in the form of the acronym BIT will help you the next time you want to give a 1-minute praise to your team members.

Behavior : State the positive behavior that you observed your team member has performed. Be specific as much as you can. For example, you can say something like this ; "Steve, I really liked the way you handle that phone call with our client Mr Smith. You were respectful and polite even though Mr Smith was angry and raised his voice at that time."    

Impact : Next, explain the positive impact or outcome of his behavior that you have observed. Your conversation can go like this ; "Because you were respectful and polite, we are able to keep Mr Smith as our client". 

Thank you : Lastly, end your 1-minute praise by giving sincere appreciation and thank him for a job well done. You can close your conversation similar to this ; "I really appreciate your effort and would like to thank you for a job well done. Thank you." 

These three steps will help you to give sincere, morale-boosting 1 minute praise in a more structured and well-organized way. Try it today and get ready to see the positive changes in your team members.